...from chaos comes clarity...

LAST PERSON WHO…

x. Slept in your bed: me & Pat 
x. Made you cry: Pat
x. You shared a drink with: Pat

x. You went to the movies with: Mom, Pat and Jay

x. You went to the mall with: Roch

x. Yelled at you: mom or Pat?

x. Sent you an e-mail: jprobably Roch if you don’t count all the junk email I get :P

HAVE YOU EVER…

x. Said “I love you” and meant it?: all the time
x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: not so much anymore… she’s too old lol!
x. Been to California: I live here
x. Been to Hawaii: yes
x. Been to Mexico: yes when I was little
x. Been to China: no 
x. Been to Cuba: no
x. Danced naked: yes
x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: not that I remember…

x. Wish you were the opposite sex: sometimes just because I’m curious 
x. Had an imaginary friend: no

EXTRA STUFF…

x. Do you have a crush on someone: yes lots of famous people lol
x. Do you drink: every so often
x. Who is your best friend: Patrick
x. What are you most scared of: living an unfulfilled life
x. What clothes do you sleep in: shirt and undies
x. Where do you want to get married: If I could afford it, Hawaii. But anywhere by water would be nice.
x. Who do you really hate: ignorant people
x. Do you drive: still don’t lol
x. Do you have a job: yes
x. Do you like being around people: if I’m in the mood

STUFF…

x. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: I think everyone has especially if it’s a famous person

x. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: of course

x. Do you have a “type” of person you always go after: yes, white boys lol but the type of white boy differs

x. Want someone you don’t have right now: nah
x. Are you lonely right now: no
x. Song that’s stuck in your head a lot: currently, no songs are in my head (surprisingly!)

x. Do you want to get married: yes
x. Do you want kids: yes



IN THE LAST 72 HOURS, HAVE YOU…

x. Cried: no
x. Bought something: if food counts, yes
x. Gotten sick: i felt sick
x. Sang: yes 
x. Met someone new: no
x. Missed someone: yes
x. Hugged someone: yes


if u’ve done it make it bold:

01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don’t watch much TV these days
03. I love olives 
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I’ve tried marijuana
09. I’ve watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby
18. I’ve been told I have a nice ass
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I’m really, really smart
21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I’m paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
26. I need money right now
27. I love sushi
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past
37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look sometimes
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to cornrow
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings 
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I’m popular
49. I am currently single
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone only to certain people
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I’m obsessed with my Greatest Journal
58. I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I’m a pretty good dancer
60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I’ve rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I’m not allergic to anything
77. I have a lot to learn
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest “Friday” movie (damn this is old!)
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved (do people still IM?!!)
84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past.
85. I own the “South Park” movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Greatest Journal
87. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum
88. I enjoy some country music
89. I would die for my best friends
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story”
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend’s ex
99. I like surveys
100. I am happy at this moment

LAST PERSON WHO…

x. Slept in your bed: me 
x. Made you cry: my parents
x. You shared a drink with: i dunno

x. You went to the movies with: lol..damn.. I cant remember the last time i went to the movies

x. You went to the mall with: heather

x. Yelled at you: people dont yell at me.. i yell at people

x. Sent you an e-mail: jarrettJ</o:p>

HAVE YOU EVER…

x. Said “I love you” and meant it?: I think so.. maybe not to a boy.. but to friends and family
x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: haha all the time.. :P
x. Been to California: duh
x. Been to Hawaii: live here now J
x. Been to Mexico: yup long time ago
x. Been to China: no 
x. Been to Cuba: no
x. Danced naked: all the time haha
x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: I dunno.. maybe it was just deja’vu

x. Wish you were the opposite sex: no 
x. Had an imaginary friend: nope

EXTRA STUFF…

x. Do you have a crush on someone: yes J
x. Do you drink: once in awhile
x. Who is your best friend: lots of people.. or lots of close friends.. same difference
x. What are you most scared of: dying without being able to say goodbye
x. What clothes do you sleep in: shorts and a tank top
x. Where do you want to get married: somewhere pretty
x. Who do you really hate: nobody really
x. Do you drive: nope 
x. Do you have a job: nope but will soon hopefully 
x. Do you like being around people: depends on who it is

STUFF…

x. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: only all the time hahah 
x. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: of course.. I’m a girl

x. Do you have a “type” of person you always go after: nope

x. Want someone you don’t have right now: of course
x. Are you lonely right now: yes 
x. Song that’s stuck in your head a lot: hands down – dashboard confessional

x. Do you want to get married: I guess
x. Do you want kids: yeah



IN THE LAST 72 HOURS, HAVE YOU…

x. Cried: no
x. Bought something: no
x. Gotten sick: no
x. Sang: yes in the gym lol
x. Met someone new: yes
x. Missed someone: yes
x. Hugged someone: no


if u’ve done it make it bold:

01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don’t watch much TV these days
03. I love olives 
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I’ve tried marijuana
09. I’ve watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby
18. I’ve been told I have a nice ass
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I’m really, really smart
21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I’m paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
26. I need money right now
27. I love sushi
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past
37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look sometimes
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to cornrow
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings (quadpolar liz) 
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I’m popular
49. I am currently single
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone only to certain people
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I’m obsessed with my Greatest Journal
58. I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I’m a pretty good dancer
60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama (what kinda drama? Lol.. I like it all.. theater drama.. and high school drama lol)
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I’ve rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I’m not allergic to anything
77. I have a lot to learn
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest “Friday” movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past.
85. I own the “South Park” movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Greatest Journal
87. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum
88. I enjoy some country music
89. I would die for my best friends
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story”
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend’s ex
99. I like surveys
100. I am happy at this moment

I was reading nerd fitness today and it featured a blog on how to achieve your ultimate goal from your bucket list. I realized that I don’t have a bucket list, at least not a set one. Yes, I’m one of those people who loves to want to do things and sometimes, I even accomplish these goals. But other times, I say I want to do something yet come to the conclusion that certain goals are impossible. But are they? Should they be? I don’t really think so. I think some goals might be harder than others but why not reach for the stars? (Speaking of which, one of my bucket list items would be to go to space - not necessarily impossible but I won’t be too disappointed if that one doesn’t happen). Anyway, I realized, I would like to start my bucket list. So to begin, I looked up other people’s bucket lists because it’s always hard for me to begin such tasks. Also, although this list will be numbered, the numbers will not reflect importance or priority (at least at this time). So let us begin:

1) Go to Easter Island

2) Go to Tahiti or Fiji

3) Have a Hawaiian themed wedding (even if not in Hawaii)

4) Go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans

5) Go to Carnival in Rio

6) Go to the church where my parents married - St. Thomas More in London

7) Go to the Galapagos Islands

8) Go to Egypt

9) Be apart of a flashmob

**This made me think of things I have done and should also acknowledge

1. Go skydiving (Hawaii, 2006)

2. Go horseback riding on the beach (Grand Turk, 2011)

3. Go ziplining (Alaska, 2011)

4. Go to London (1996)

5. Go to the Philippines (2009)

6. Ride a banana boat (Boracay, 2009)

7. Go on a cruise with my favorite band (311 Cruise, 2011)

**both lists to be continued

Back to ___ work! (enter expletive). My brother usually uses “stupid” but I won’t add anything because I’m trying to stay positive about being at work after a long weekend. I had a pretty good weekend that went by fast even though we had an extra day (I hate when that happens). But it was pretty interesting.

On Friday as I was leaving work, I was asked if I wanted to attend an awards ceremony at work for Laker star Metta World Peace (formally know as Ron Artest). Pat was on his way to pick me up but I agreed to attend if we could get parking. Luckily, we were able to attend because it was very interesting. Metta was the recipient of UCLA’s CICare Award, which is an award to someone who  is recognized for their “extra effort to fulfill our vision of healing humankind, one patient at a time, by improving health, alleviating suffering, and delivering acts of kindness”. Metta has been a great support to our Psychiatric hospital and was being recognized for his work with kids. He, himself, has dealt with a lot of issues, including anger problems, and felt it was his responsibility to provide help for those who could not afford it themselves. It was an eye opener to his personality and the demons still battles today. After hearing him speak, I realized he was a misunderstood soul that gets a bad rep because of the way the media portrays him. There was also an interview portion between Metta and Larry King. Pat really enjoyed it all because he can definitely relate to Metta and felt he was a new role model to look up to. 

Saturday consisted of a 7 mile walk/run in preparation for our half marathon which is about 4 weeks away. As usual, I’m excited about it especially now that we are incorporating running into our training. 

On Sunday, I was reunited with a good friend from college. We spent Sunday night and most of Monday catching up with him and showing him around LA since he is considering moving here. I always have a hard time showing people around LA. Many people want to do the touristy thing and it’s so weird to do because although we live in LA, rarely do we actually go to Hollywood or similar places for fun. It made me realize how much I want to discover LA even more because I want to look beyond the major attractions most people want to see. That is why watching Huell Howser has been such a great way to discover parts of California I didn’t know existed. 

Anyway, that was a great ramble of my random weekend. Here’s to being positive in the upcoming days. 

things to look forward to:

-Kiry coming to LA this weekend 1/19-1/21 which means drinking, partying in weho and lots of reminiscing

-Pasadena Rock N Roll Half Marathon on 2/17, because we all want to feel accomplished and I will feel that way once I improve on my time from the LA Rock N Roll Half

-311 at the Roxy, a true LA hotspot with lots of history. Haven’t ever been there so it’s going to be awesome to be with a bunch of excitables partying to our fav band!

-311 Caribbean Cruise, 3/1-3/5, fun on a boat, 2 days on a private island, meeting my fav band once again…What’s not to love?!

Those are just a few events happening really soon. Now that I look at this, it makes me wonder why I’ve been so down and pessimistic (which is totally not like me). Well, life isn’t easy and doing these fun things is a way to combat those dark moments. So from this post on, cheers to positivity and optimism and life to look forward to!

(not gonna lie though… if anything comes up, I’ll still use this place to rant and rave.)

I really need to stop being hard on myself. I was almost considering starting a new blog. Why, you ask, when I already have one? Well, I get very anal about certain things and become a sort of perfectionist. Since I haven’t been keeping up with this blog, I was thinking of just starting allover again. But then I realized, that defeats the purpose of blogging. This blog should be here when I have something to say and when I don’t. It’s a place for me to look back and wonder why I didn’t write anything for months at a time. 

But the other reason I wanted to start a new blog is because this one just seemed to be such a debbie downer! I’m not sure why I’ve only been writing when I start to feel down on myself or about situations. I guess part of it is because I hold a lot of my feelings in and don’t share them with anyone else. Anyway, if I want think to become something more than a journal where I rant and rave then it’s up to me to do so.

I was reading someone else’s blog again. There was nothing special about it. She merely posted about vacations, days at work, restaurants she tried. Yet I was still interested in reading. I’m not here to try to find followers yet part of me thinks I shouldn’t blog because I have nothing interesting to say. Well, who the hell cares! This is for me isn’t it?! See, stop being so hard on yourself! Use this blog as a place to remember, vent, laugh, cry, and give your opinion without feeling ashamed! (Yes I just wrote that in the second person to myself). So here I go again. Will my next post be a couple minutes later? A few days? Weeks? Another month? Who knows? Only time will tell. The important thing is, it’s here whether I want to use it or not. 

After recalling my last post on here, I decided there need to be changes in my life. Changes that start with me! Before working on relationships or anything else, I need to change my life. And the biggest (and usually) hardest change to make is on my physical self. Before I would’ve said that my end goal is to lose weight. Though I do need to do that, after some reflection (and the help of ridiculously inspiring articles on nerdfitness.com), I’ve decided that my main goal for this physical change is to become stronger. Stronger body = stronger mind. And with a stronger body comes the physical change I want. However, through research I’ve discovered that weight really doesn’t matter. As much as I’ve read that before, I never truly believed it until I saw before and after pictures of REAL people who have weight trained, stayed the same weight, but look like COMPLETELY different people. Also, I’ve become almost obsessed with weight training. Though I haven’t done it enough, I love it! I love adding more weight and discovering that my body is able to handle more and more! Even though I haven’t lost much weight doing the crossfit program I’m in, my endurance and strength has increase dramatically!! I see the muscles (through the fat) but that has just inspired me more because if I can already see how tone I am whilst being fat, then imagine how good I’ll look once I do lose that fat.

The hardest part through all this is the eating. I know I really have to work on that aspect since I already have the exercise part down. But because I’m serious this time (I know I’ve said that before), I also realize that this type of change takes TIME. Why am I rushing anyway like I was before? I have the rest of the life don’t I? Well I will if I’m healthy enough to make it! So why not take the time and make the changes now, rather than sit back and wait for it to happen? We all know it won’t happen on it’s own so I’ve finally decided that I will not rush and will do what it takes to make a healthier, stronger me. Once I’m happy with myself, then everything else will fall into place. 

When it comes to love, there seems to be a set of universal rules that we follow. We should only love one person at one time and that should be enough. Now, I’m not saying that loving one person is not enough but what about when your heart is torn. My heart is not torn between two people but between one person and the idea of more. I’ve never thought to myself that love is not enough, because I usually believe it is. But what about when you start to feel bored, unappreciated, less attractive or attracted? Does that mean you are no longer in love? I’ve met many people who I think are in this “phase”. They say that it’s up to us to make things interesting, to spark the flame, to continue to passion. And yet, I’ve met couples who seem to be in that puppy love stage for years and years. Does that make our love any less important or strong? It bothers me that for the first time since being with someone, my eye started wandering. I’m not saying I’ve never been attracted to anyone else because I have seen good looking, hot, sexy or just plain cute guys. But for some reason, my eye keeps going to one. You can say it’s purely physical, partially because we’ve never really talked. Part of me thinks it’s better that way because if I’m already this attracted to him physically, then I don’t want to find out that I really like his personality as well. I’ve never been a cheater and don’t think I would but also don’t want to rip my heart in half (that’s positive thinking by the way - because that would only happen if the feeling was mutual). Anyway, the point is, I’m constantly thinking of this person and I’m wondering why. Why him, why now? Is my eye truly just wandering? Am I bored in my relationship? Will this pass? Or is this part of a bigger issue that I’m not seeing or addressing? The only solution I have at this point is to just enjoy the feeling while it lasts but don’t act on it. Besides, after a few more weeks I won’t see this person anymore. Then we can see how I feel then…